Normal dating behavior
Anger and aggression (FOCR) – If they have trouble keeping their anger in check or are physically aggressive, or very intimidating when they want their own way, this is an abort mission.They play victim (FOCR) – Be careful of anybody that refuses to take any responsibility for their life and blames it on others – Be extra careful of people who when they experience a problem, don’t see their part in it. Not over the ex – (FOCR) – If they say they’re not over their ex, are recently broken up and hurting, are excessively angry with them (i.e not neutral), are hooking up with them, secretly trying to get back together with them, playing you off against each other, whatever – bow out. Controlling – Steer clear of anyone that wants to control you.We don’t ask questions, clarify information, or assert boundaries – all things that should happen in an amber situation.Following my original post ‘knowing when to bail – red flags’, I’ve now delved a little further because so many people try to be the exception to the rule and have little or no boundaries.If they’re into shady stuff in the bedroom, it’s at the very least a code amber, or depending on the nature of it, a code red.Don’t try and revolutionise the wheel and if you don’t want to have threeways, being watched by your neighbours, beaten etc – opt out.Irresponsible – irresponsible with life in general – bills, rent, job and borrows money off you? Not being good with money and having a weakness for shoes isn’t a code red but not being good with money and gambling it, their house, or whatever away is.
Anything else is down to your own boundaries so it’s important to recognise what has made you uncomfortable in the past and why, what your values are, and ensure that actions match words and that what you’re doing is congruent with who you profess to be.
Emotionally Unavailable – This means unavailable for a mutually fulfilling, healthy relationship.
Unavailable people give limited relationships because they have limits on what they are able to give.
This is an especially dangerous situation for Florence Nightingale’s.
Married Or Attached (FOCR) -The moment that you opt into one of these situations, you communicate the wrong things about yourself.